Couple of days ago, really had a nice chat with djetkaa.. this relation that seems to be taking longer than expected, she never failed me as usual and still supports me when needed, she listened to me in full, one of many things I like about her.. and she sincerely tried to make it up and express her sorrow for seeing me in all this pain, when I was trying more to tell her that I feel the pain for you, I’m fine with myself or at least I am trying to be, but I don’t like to see her in this situation being submissive and waiting to forcibly adapt herself to the new relation.. why would someone on earth give up his chances to support and be in line with the family, with all my respect yeah family is meant to be respected, so is myself expected to be respected back.. it’s life, we give and take and it’s two way in everything.. not sure though how her family could just invalidate her feelings to that extent. I have no doubts on the intentions of her family, but I am not fine with they compromised her choices for their own well, this is totally unfair
As usual I spoke myself, never been ashamed to express how I am still attached to her, and that I do trust that she will not make use of my weakness, cause she’s just so kind.. I have also tried to waive her from the burden or the guilt she may have felt for putting me into this situation, and I really wanted to assure her that I have nothing against her, neither hate or dislike her, never been.. never will.. cause simply I knew her better than she can imagine, and that I am totally convinced that whatever decision she took, it was out of caring and based on her experience, and to avoid further hurt.. yeah, I am that kind of person, I had to learn to forgive to forget.. if Allah himself forgives us whenever we truly submit ourselves and truthfully regret whatever we did.. I hate to see her in pain, and as I have always promised myself to her, to give her my best.. cause simply she deserves it, but maybe she just underestimated herself
I have just tried to get some energy refill from her, she still does not open up so much, and despite how I hate avoidance and short answers, but I am aware of what she’s trying to tell me or to get me used to.. “I don’t care anymore about you did!” ouch.. easy on me girl, I have never let you down, rejected or neglected you when you told me that you still need me, and I told you the same.. djetkaa, some pieces of the puzzle you are not getting, on true relations and feelings, there’s nothing called pride.. when people give in their hearts and trust each other to speak openly about their weakness, it’s not about giving the other one hard time cause simply I knew his buttons.. you may lack some experience here, and I know that you are trying to do your best to get me out of this relation peacefully.. and I do appreciate that, but easy on me.. I am not ready yet to get myself off easily as I told you, please help me to get out peacefully, as you are helping yourself before helping me.. the more I can get myself out, the more you will be able to get out
Yeah, I have waived her and forgot about what happened and don’t have any hard feelings towards her, as I first told her on the second day of telling me that this won’t work, that I have many good memories on reserve, that can never make me bear any grudges, I wish she can listen to that and believe that what I said is true, and that I truly meant it.. and yes, I am that kind of guy who will not push you on your nerve to tell me about what happened, cause I know that you hate confrontations, and being unfair to people.. I guess you didn’t give me enough chance to explain to you how I get you inside out
Djetkaa, I wish I had a chance to explain to you how I cared for this relation from day one, how I cared to know your likes and dislikes that you don’t even tell, I have been studying you, it was not an ordinary relation or casual one as you may have thought, my intuitions told me that she’s the one who deserves all the efforts to be done for, all what I wanted you to do, is to start it easily and give me the time to take one step after another.. I wanted to take you one step after another, but somehow I was trying to level your speed, made me freak out at the beginning of how things were going fast, not because I didn’t want to happen, but because what starts fast ends faster than you can imagine.. cause it didn’t leave marks and stings.. somehow I was pushed to reveal my plan in a week or so, you pushing me to say what’s my plan has pushed everything to an ultimatum end.. yeah, cause you knew everything in my head and left no place for speculations.. the relation became cold after a while, like what’s going to happen next.. you just got bored of the flow, love is life.. and if you got to know what’s going to happen tomorrow along your life.. you’d have probably wanted to end your life right away.. so what’s new
I claim that the decision you have reached was mix of different factors, not sure though if this is true or not, but I yield to this explanation to be the truest based on what I knew about you..
Your family definitely had the bigger part of the influence of how the decision was made, the differences you had in your mind and the obstacles you thought would be there, piled up altogether and made you decide to judge this relation as hard one.. culture differences and how things will be built up together, and objections from both ends, plus you don’t know me yet that well.. I bet you had this questions on your mind, this middle eastern background could be a bit fulfilled with manhood though he may like me to be veiled unlike what he said, he can’t be so nice all the time, there got to be bad side.. not sure if he’s going to allow me to travel to my family frequently or not, or my education.. how I dress, working, plus the family differences.. I may end up living in Egypt, which does not seem to be a nice place, specially on these days, when they have an unclear future.. maybe love will not be there after he gets me, maybe he will change after marriage, it’s a road full of challenges.. which lead you to take the easy way of getting married to someone local, that you know, who will clear all these doubts, you don’t have to love him at the beginning, but maybe after a while you will like him.. your character likes balance and hates imbalances and tries to avoid problems, hard feelings or hard ways at any cost.. this is you, which made it somehow and challenge for me, to tackle with you every point at a time
I guess some of the above reasons may have crossed your mind, and it’s normal to feel anxious, to worry and to think about it.. it’s a life decision after all, and sometimes you need to ensure everything.. I really have no objection and truly understand if you came across some of this ideas, it’s a normal way of thinking.. and yes, love is not everything, but it’s what makes everything else possible
Let me explain my point of view on what I may have planned for you, to accommodate your requests and to clear most of the thoughts you may have come across
First, when I got to choose you and decided to take my chances with you.. normally anyone, would go through the his priorities.. my highest priorities were mainly the spark, the attraction that usually happens at the first 5 minutes of new people meeting, then followed by your life directions (in terms of, how do you perceive life, your purpose, what you want to do) religion was fine to be (preferably Muslim, didn’t mind if you were Shiite or Sunni, cause I know that Azerbaijan have 85% Shiite, also I would have never cared if you were Christian or Jew) cause simply I believe in people’s perception for life, religion is not my thing, I just wanted to make sure that you are on the same direction with me.. and above all, my main priority side to the previous ones, was relativity in the sense of how relative we are to each other.. differences that completes each other, I didn’t expect you to be the same direction as mine, cause that would have resulted a boring couple of we ended up matching on the majority of the traits.. you are quite, i am a bit loud.. you might be a little bit slower than me.. i’m on fire on taking actions.. you were somehow a perfect half to complete me.. simply coming from the same perception on any religion, or whatever faith of the 3, waives partners from disagreements on many aspects.. religion is for god, life is for humans..
Your directions in life had it’s say, you are nice, kind, cheerful, open, charming, optimistic, love balance, artistic, sensitive, fair, romantic, and you want to be happy and work on your life for the best always with a tough of an amazing femininity.. I don’t need anything further than a partner with this features.. what may come afterwards for me, will be a little bit of compromises at both sides, this is life.. I had no expectation to totally change yourself for me, neither do for myself.. I always believed in working on the relation together.. cause this is what life is all about
I guess that my plans were to a great extend in line with yours, you wanted to live abroad and I am already living abroad.. though Qatar is not my best option, but there was an opportunity at the first couple of years of attachment, to be here for a while.. there are a lot of benefits of being here at the beginning, first I know you have never lived away from your family, being 3 hours flight makes it easy for you to go back on short breaks as frequent as you want.. a lot of international universities here are available to compete your studies and have your MBA.. Qatar is unlike what you may think about middle east, would suit what you would normally dress back home, sleeveless or short sleeves, shorts or small skirts.. which I also don’t mind if it may ever crossed your mind that I might be a typical middle eastern mindset..
Side to being 1 hours away from Dubai, still opportunities to relocate, travel on weekends for sun and fun.. beside both of us love travelling, I had plans to go to too many places together.. maybe later moving to US, or EU if I had a good job.. I had high hopes to travel around together..
I am not sure though if they were all your concerns, or if you had further ones.. all I had on my mind is to make you happy, to be happy in return.. life is not about outing only, or having good times, not expected to be always like this.. but again, if two care for each other, they will strive to make it work, and I thought we had it going.. you never gave me a chance to explore together the options or tackle your concerns if any.. and you know what, we all hide behind our fears, we eat because we fear hunger, we drink because we fear thirst.. we avoid going against our communities norms, customs and traditions, cause we fear failure.. but I don’t think fear from what we don’t know, or unknown never let us live our lives.. cause it becomes an attitude, always stay safe, follow the norm, become a mainstream, and have a boring life.. I don’t think Allah has created humans to be a mainstream, sorry but animals are mainstream.. they eat, mate, communicate and live in trends and norms, because they don’t have brain to think.. when mankind tried to train them in Circus, not all of them have survived.. some of them have attacked their coach and ate them, some of them went crazy killing others and then suicide.. it’s because it’s against their nature.. they don’t have minds to think, they were trained but never understood..
Unlike humans, they vary from country to country.. countries themselves varies over decades, my ancestors had different mindsets.. they had different customs and traditions.. that if I went back in time and live at their times, I would have been off the wagon and a weirdo.. but this is humans, they are constantly evolving.. and changing their customs and traditions almost every decade.. Allah has privileged us with brains, and lit us the road.. gave us some instructions, and plant your soul from his, we might seem different in color and language.. but we have more in common than you may think, we have one creator, and what he plant inside us is the same as in everyone (love life, be peaceful, don’t be greedy, don’t over do, acknowledge god grace, share with with needy, be moderate, follow simple rules and pray.. etc) we just have developed different interpretations on how to do it, but the what has been always the same.. hasn’t it?!
I still believe you have been unfair to yourself for not giving a chance to try, and I guess you previous relations were really hurtful to you enough, that led you to being so closed on your own, and avoid speaking up yourself.. I am not saying you you should let out everything to everyone.. but apply some logic on relations, new relations develop trust on the move, open up a bit by bit, as it allows others to see what they are not necessarily seeing.. we exert a daily effort on every day of our lives communicating with others, just to make them see from our perspective.. you are not doing this part as frequent as you should, at least I expected you to open up with me and speak up yourself, when I promised that I will never hurt you, or take anything you say against you.. I think I never did, never will..
Behind every problem, an opportunity.. don’t close up the door and always try new things.. and it’s true that if you want to be successful, double your failure rate djetkaa
Till next time..
avoidaccess 