You’re my only!

ff

Hej Hej God! Hur mår du? you know, i am in Stockholm now and i’m dyed by their Swedish!

Maybe I never had the time to talk to you bluntly since my Umrah, you know like heart-to-heart talk.. not that I didn’t want to talk, but maybe my recent adoption is to listen more, and not to ask for things from you, cause you like to be listened to. But sometimes I just want to say stuff to you, things that only you can understand and would make sense to you..

I came along way to understand more about life, purpose, what i am here for, what do you want me to do; or more like in attempt to unfold my destiny in the smartest way that i know. And since knowledge is something that is constantly changing, I have always tried to understand more and read to have more expansive understanding. I can’t deny that i came close enough to a whole new set of understandings about you, life, religions and all the other mundane things that usually occupies the mind of humans, you know humans and curiosity is a big deal here!

Of the good things I have recently had the chance to test, were my principles and how strong is my faith. And you know, how things ended by ending a life in Qatar that was from the outside looked nice and strong, but from the inside was purposeless. I still trust that it was to end anyways at this particular time, in a way or another. it’s hard to see beyond what your eyes can get you to perceive, but i do have faith in you, and i don’t require much to see to believe

People here talk a lot of shit about you, some claim that they are speaking under your name, and causing a lot of bloodshedding here in the Middle East and beheading others because they just can, i can assure that we are the only region who still rides German horses, and claim civilization by acquiring more than what they really need, cause they simply can afford it, it’s hell unequal here and things are getting from bad to worse

The west on the other hand are sleek and much smarter, they look at us as a big market for their products, from garment, to food, cars, life styles, language, immense market for weaponry – as long as the internal battles are ongoing – and you know what, i can’t blame them, we are fucked up and disunited and we hate each other most of the time – you’ve seen what happened to me for instance, i know that you don’t micromanage this world to that level – at least this is what i think

As on what I come to believe about you at this particular moment.. I believe you are great, nice and so kind, and your love is immortal and unconditional, and you always listen and trustworthy. i also know that and not trying to fathom you, because i can’t and i won’t and you know what, it’s also pointless :) i also know that you are part of who we are, our spirit; i also know that we collectively make up God, it’s all inside us. I also happen to know that our demons are represented by our egos, and these are the two fighting powers inside each and everyone of us..

I know that you don’t micromanage this earth, and that it’s sort of closed ecological system. That nothing goes out of this circle, it’s only matter of actions and reactions. Yes, sometimes that reactions comes straight to our face, and falls within our laps, and when it does.. i am sure it’s fallen exactly where it’s supposed to be.. i also happen to think i know, that we are all equally screwed in our misconception about religions, be it divine or non-divine.. yet i know that i do know that much that i don’t need a religion to understand you, or believe in you; i believe in you regardless, cause you are the highest form of knowledge, mercy and power in this universe

I know that we should not be taking everything you said in the holy book of Koran literally, and that most of what you are saying and repeating over and over is worth contemplation, but not to be taken literally, rather than allegory, and you know how confusing it is, yet i think that of the miracles you have left between us today is the Koran, as we will never cease to be amazed from its broad understanding that varies and constantly changes from one to another. If you happen to be interpreting it with your ego, you are in a deep shit, and if you happen to interpret it with your heart, you might not be there yet, but you are close enough!

I know that I love you, and I know that i will sometimes fail your expectations, but remember when i asked you on the first time i’ve visited you, i told you that i want to end my life on good terms.. we have this pact for life, and i know you’re up to your word, and i love this the most about you.. God you are awesome!

You know why i made it to Stockholm, or at least you know that i’ve been following the signs that have been revealed before me. That one thought that took me from one place to another, and to be honest, i fell for the place since i landed at Skavska and exactly past the passport control. I wish to found my own company here, and apply the concept of tech4good. i see a lot of unfairness in the distribution of wealth on earth, as i cannot fix everything on earth, and i am not entitled to.. and at the same time i should not be asking you to do something about it., simply you have given me all the tools to help others..

I have been fortunate enough to get a good education and be bilingual, my parents have invested heavily in me.. whether it was dad or mum, and i have a decade of experience and good sum of savings, and honestly i don’t think that you ever give us more than what we need for keeps, it’s all meant for sharing. my aim is to be useful and create a good business that connects and transfers the funds and knowledge from the fortunate hemisphere of the earth, to the less fortunate hemisphere.. cause simply whatever i am willing to do is part of my destiny that i have recently unfolded, or at least this is what i believe to be the case for now..

I don’t necessarily see this business as a way to make up living only, i only feel it’s my paying back my dues to how fortunate i have been because of you. You know how bad i want this to happen, and I am relying on you to give me a hand in gettings this done. First i need whatever job that will allow me to stay here in Sweden, then meeting the right people who may help me in achieving this. I don’t mind the efforts at all God, you know me quite well, i could quit smoking after some good 15 years of daily smoking. You know me better than myself, that i am a little impatient when i am confused and the uncertainty outweighs my eyesight.. So please let me know if i should be going this way or not, or should i start looking elsewhere.. For me, i know this is what i want and think will be my next passion for the next few years.. I don’t know what do you see?!

On the second thing i wish to happen is to marry the one i never had to explore my relation further.. the one whom i still love till now and don’t have/want to control this feelings anyways.. you know how she ended everything unexpectedly, she’s sweet and lovely.. a little bit undetermined and trying to figure it out on her own, but this is the price of experience.. I absolutely don’t see your point of things not working out between me and her, after some 2 years of waiting for her to be ready! I trust your choices, but sometimes i can’t deny that you piss me off with these unprecedented decisions. I trust your judgement eventually, and i always try to be a better of version of myself, you know how the Azeri relation went and was too much of platonic romance that lead me astray, i remember you assuring me way to early when i was in Turkey that she is no good, when i asked you in the mosque for assistance.. but i didn’t listen at that time, cause i was blinded.. i don’t regret it anyways, she took me to great heights of emotions, that paved the way to the following who was also unsure, and on her own fighting her battles

So, to conclude.. i am looking for your help on this project.. is this what i should be doing? is this the right country to start at? – please say yes.. and is she the one? – yes yes! :))

Thanks God! :))

Till next time..

the thing..

ff

Maybe this is the thing about life, that we are all going to die.. or as some saying goes, that the only truth about life is death.. the rest is merely interpretation of different point of views, that are usually shaped based on life experiences you came across. And as you embrace the idea that time is always elapsing, you may give up the idea of many things that might be hindering your progress, which is by far easier to realize after you reach your 30s

Been almost 10 days in Stockholm, and to be honest i loved the amazing balance and self acceptance that people have adopted here. They do have everything, but not much of anything.. just the right amount of whatever you need to be happy. They are not over-doing or over-living life but rather just doing what suffice to be happy. They have the right balance between life and work, the right balance of not commercializing life and not charging you for every single thing that you do, just because you happen to exist in Stockholm..

When i look back in time, and in particular 3 years back before moving to Doha; i had a lot of unlearning to do once i moved, i believe i gave up a lot of the misconceptions related to religion. In terms of being conscious about my faith, and practicing it from a different angle, from an angle of testing my values, principles and faith, rather than just blindly doing what my ancestors and society used to do without putting it to test..

Of the great discoveries i found that most of our beliefs are so fragile, that mostly collapses when you get them to the real-life test, and that most of the time it’s only matter of convenience to say that you’re a believer, rather than explaining why you don’t believe it. What i could see based on my recent experience that has resulted losing my job for standing by the right side on my own, that people are not willing to put their faith to test, because they are subconsciously non-believers, rather than conformists. They are so afraid to put their faith to test, cause they do not want to collapse before them, if the results came different from their expectations, afraid to fall short.

Of the striking truth that i realized was that some of the commonly things that are identified by society as sins, doesn’t really feel like a sin. As much as it  terrifies me that some of  the aspects of religion has been under great misconduct, as part of our sponge nature of absorbing whatever our society brings to us. It looks like we have absorbed a lot of disappointment wrapped with illiteracy, and served on a platter of ignorance and lack of knowledge. but it still lays a lot of burden of the probability of being wrong, but then again i realized that my guts can still guide me about the right and wrong, and if i am compelled by the fear of being wrong, i could just drop it and not do it.

But i could still be the turning point of my tree, if i ever thought about having a kid, which i consider as the light at  the end of the tunnel for my generation, and as an inheritor of my Egyptianized roots. My father did the same, he had his faith between his hands and decided to be different from his family, and taught himself by himself and did the best he knew at every point of his life. i believe he did a great job on being the new roots stem from his family, that has viewed the world from a slightly more broad point of view, in comparison to his roots..

I would still do the basic things that doesn’t need much of rethinking, like the prayers and fasting, as there isn’t much of innovation or way of doing the pillars of Islam than this, and it should not be reworked anyways, we should just follow it. Apart from that, the grey areas where we get lost between being a wrong misconduct naturally passed from generation to the next. i found this easy rule, if it doesn’t make sense to you, then it probably has been set based on people’s self judgement that serves their own agendas at a point of time, and to be honest.. most of the time it is. The only drawback fo this approach, that you’ll never know really if you’re right or wrong, unless it’s time to be judged before God. But if it brings you more fears than the pleasure of doing it, then just don’t..

This approach has not stopped me from also working on refining things that my mind fails to comprehend, cause not everything in religion has to make sense to you, some of it, if not most are just their obedience. Plus, if it’s really clear in the Koraan, then there’s no need really to rethink it. Eventually you’re not God, you are just resemble one facade of God. As much as this new rule leaves me a broader room of freedom to experience life, as much as it burdens me to think of all that..

But then again.. my life, my choices..

Till next time

Hi..

e

 

We all have these little things that we keep to ourselves, when we think that out significant other is not ready to hear them out, hopefully.. cause most of the time you’re only being hushed up, they are not even giving you the time to say anything. They give you no time, and when it happens quite often especially after some unprecedented breakup, you tend to pile up the things you always wanted to say, but never had the chance to spit it out to the right audience..

Though I’ve recently learnt not to curb any feelings, and let whatever come and wash out my soul, cause i don’t want to have these curbed feelings all over my life.. the sooner you vent it out, the better you become.. and recently, i think i started giving myself a chance to have these uninterrupted conversations with myself, cause it gives me a chance to release it all. 

Today, i had this dream about you.. you know these precious moments when you just woke up, but still the trails of your dreams are still a bit blurry and as the few moments pass by from sleeping to waking up, every moments that passes, it makes it even more blurry and fades faster than then previous moment, till your face have the first contact with the real awake life, splashing the water all over the phase and looking into the mirror and having this inside conversation “it was just a dream, here we go with another day in London, it’s the 5th of September and I am travelling tomorrow to Stockholm, and now i should be having my cereal, and get online”

To be honest, i was happy to see you again.. cause in my sleep is where i can get to see you, though even in my dreams you don’t seem to make me happy again, i see you frustrated sometimes; this time i though my ex with my ex-ex altogether, and i was giving the choice to choose between you two since you are somehow in the scene.. then i realized that you are getting married and you sort of getting ready for your wedding. I still chose you over the ex-ex, but then you were already taken and on your way to marry and stuff.. i don’t know!

I almost forgot, i wanted to talk to you about the things i always wanted to say, but never had the chance to. You know, you either give me little to no time on every encounter, or you gave me the cold-shoulder which was by the way very cold. I have to salute you that you’re really good at distancing yourself. It was painful to be honest, though I always felt how hard you are resisting your natural charm of being nice to people, i know it was really hard on you to be something you’re not, and this is maybe why our accidental encounters at work, the mall or the gym were never easy on either; or at least this is how i chose to think of you

You know how hard it is to keep defending you in front of myself without your presence! It’s double the work to change my thoughts, and come up with each and every excuse for you, based on what i know about you. It’s easier to hate than to love, but to be honest, i don’t want to hate you.. i still want to keep your picture in my head undisturbed. it worked sometimes, and some other times i only get pissed off at your shutting me down attitude. But I don’t recall such moments to last longer than few days.. it’s true what Om Kolthoum said on one of her songs “I was mad at you between me and myself, and i made it up, then i was mad at you again, I tell myself i should let go, then i feel sorry for myself.. afraid if i let go, i would be more deprived” it’s exactly these kind of self conversations that keeps happening to me every now and then

To be honest, if i had a chance to speak up with you honestly.. i don’t have a concrete things to say, but they all revolve around a lot of exclamations, comma, question marks, semi colon and some hyphens, but without any Period. cause i don’t want to stop

But i think that i would to have you part of my daily routine again, like experience more of you in more depths.. i still think i didn’t have a chance to explore the different kind of you(s) yet. I’ve seen a lot of your less attractive side of who you are, which as much as i didn’t mind it. i hoped it would end at some point and get your support that i needed on my hardship days, the 7 weeks of suspension where i had to stay home and do nothing but reading and exercising; that kept my partial whole intact; i wanted you to exceed my expectations and offer support, i so much needed that!!

Not that i can’t face it all alone, but because it would have been much more bearable if we shared the load and split it in two. you know it’s easier to share than taking all the load. At the same time i tried to be there celebrating your milestones of achievements at work, though i was not sure about how you will take it, but honestly i didn’t care about your reaction, cause it made me happy, and i knew it would make you happy to celebrate it even from afar. Or at least, this how i wished you received these surpising texts

But anyways, i think i am on one of these years that asks questions.. maybe years llaters, i will get some answers.. i am sure i will..

Take care of yourself D, i am sure our roads will cross again.. keep working out, and i will keep it till then

Good day D!

Till next time..

 

 

The literature of things..

f

 

Some time has elapsed before I was able to open up to myself again, maybe this time was the longest in a while between writing.. and as always.. I had the topic on the top of my head for a long time, but fear has always been stopping me from starting writing.. maybe i was too afraid to pour all the things in my head at once, and come to the facts that i have known for a long time now, as if writing is somehow the acknowledgment of all fears.. part of my fears was the perfection that i’ll always aspire and will never reach *a sigh* “The universe doesn’t allow perfection.” — Stephen Hawking 

First, I just got fired from my job.. and i was simply testing my faith, my faith that i should not fear anyone than God, if i truly believe that we as humans are merely reasons for each other, no matter what looks on the outside. I am not sad about it, i know i stood for something, and that i was right and above all my faith is strong.. which made me overall happy. I took it very well, cause somehow i’ve managed to wire my brain to accept the worst which has happened. It was a time for a new start, which didn’t start yet.. i think!

Second, I come to the fact that the world cannot be understood through its sheer facts, it has to have some literature associated to it.. our minds are not wired to accept the pure facts of life, and always tend to look beyond the philosophical meaning of it. For that, i think maybe those who have allowed themselves to really experience life into different depths and heights, have always associated their understanding with figurative idioms.. through literature and arts.. be it any form of art.. cause this is our real human capacity in comprehending life, or at least this is what I’d like to think of it this way..

But i don’t want to put a third here or continue with this ridiculous human made numbering, why would i care to organize your thoughts or mark your progress through my blog.. they are free thoughts anyways and won’t matter if they are in order or not. 

What i can think of right now is before i got fired, i had a chance to review a lot of things and had last chance to re-appreciate everything i had while i was in Doha, friends, place, work, outings.. literally everything.. my broad range of acceptance has never been broader than that before, smelling and breathing the wind of change was overwhelming that i almost had absolutely no problems when the day has come, and was told that i was fired! not much of fighting back, or tormenting feeling over what i’ve lost, i felt more complete and strong and almost had a feeling of content over what happened; cause i knew for once that i was strong to stand for my beliefs, and that my faith is strong.. and it was the best thing i may have done in a long while.. working out your faith..

Then the day to leave has come way earlier than expected, i got back to Cairo after 2 years and 8 months away from home. it was a long time, not in terms of mundane timing, but in terms of my self development during this period. This period if it can be tagged, i would tag it into “love, heartbreaks, good work, muscles, diving, cycling, running, jogging, lots of fun, exhilarating surprises, reading, many many new understandings, quit smoking, travelling a lot, discovered a lot of potentials in me” and i think above all, i was able to unveil a totally new part of me that i didn’t even that it existed.. was it love or attraction, or attachment.. whatever it is, i enjoyed its ups and downs to the fullest..

But above all, i got to understand that we mostly understand life through literature and arts, and not through the abstract meaning of things, we do have the capacity to deeply reflect upon our adversity in an artistic way, we never feel the pain straight.. it always has its rooted dimensions that reaches to our soul, it’s always these cracks caused by mishaps that connects our deep rooted spirit with the external physical world that appears to be abstract from any dimensions. after every unfortunate incident we come across, everything we feel afterwards gets through this crack, and get to feel it really deep. we feel so affectionate and touched when our friends are by our side, at the same time we feel double the pain when the people we expected to be by our side, have fell short of our expectations and did nothing.. this is the drawback of mishaps, every single emotion is intensified and you can almost feel it nudging your bones..

For that, i do believe that God has created a beautiful nature around us, that’s full of variant colors, and pretty sounds and breathtaking scenery, this is our gateway to God, our only path to fathom your true purpose as you progress in life. Even on the known holy books of God either Koran, Torah or the Bible.. their teaching are mostly in figure speech, but their meanings is mostly ever broader than our thinking can comprehend. For this particular reasons, these books never fell short of application despite the hundreds of years passed since its revelation

“Miracles happen, not In opposition to nature, but in opposition to what we know of nature.” -St. Augustine

Above all, i came to realize and fully understood that life should always be lived progressively, i stopped clinging to anything or anyone, i always try to enjoy what i have, always be honest to myself about what i want to do and say, cause i know that karma will come and meet me later.. so the shorter route to be good to yourself in the future, is to be good to yourself now.. and learning to accept whatever comes my way, yet always do what i believe i should be doing.. continuously try to change my perspective, and that there are always far better things ahead than the ones we leave behind; embracing the fact that i am always in the right place. knowing that my limits always lies in my head, and the fact that the only thing i am capable of changing is myself, and by myself i mean the capacity to look at life from different perspectives, and that new perspectives can’t be gained without getting your hands dirty in life, by living and taking actions and continuously moving. i gave up the idea of comfort zone cause it holds no new perspective for me, and it simply means being stagnant in a swamp, and leaving the rest of the jungle ahead untouched..

I live everyday at once, and once is enough if it’s lived right..

Till next time

Confidently uncertain..

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I won’t say that i figured it all out.. life i mean, and i am content that i never did, and never will.. cause when i will be 100% certain about the reason of my existence on earth, i presume this will be my last day, at least this is what i think..

The 50% certainty we always posses scientifically speaking you can either know the speed or the place of an atom at a certain point of time.. it’s 50% of the facts at a certain time.. you see my point?! meaning that it’s a myth to say that you are 100% certain about anything at any point of time, even if you had the world’s latest knowledge and access to information.. and even the 50% is bound to time, “There are no eternal facts, as there are no absolute truths”.. it takes us again back to ourselves, whatever we seek out of truth is only matter of how we perceive things “Why does man not see things? He is himself standing in the way: he conceals things” even for the truth, is merely a truth and it goes out of context when time passes “All things are subject to interpretation. Whichever interpretation prevails at a given time is a function of power and not truth”  this also can be explained “the only constant in life is change“. Truth is just a another facade the reflects what’s inside us, that we reflect in things we perceive; which drastically changes over time when you either gain more experience, or know more about that thing that you used to fear “There is nothing more to truth than what we are willing to assert as true”. As anything that might be opposing your progression in life is fear is interpreted in the external shell in terms of behavior, when you are less experienced in life you usually experience it in anger, frustration or agony, cause you don’t know.. 

We became so obsessed of knowing, rather than understanding.. we are always striving to be 100% certain of things we are about to do before doing it, we think that whatever humans have unfolded on mystics of life, is enough to address our insecurities about things we fear, we want to beat fear that is holding us back from treading on life and moving forward.. it’s weird that we tend to reject moving forward and taking that leap of faith in the unknown cause we are uncertain about the consequences of our actions, or we are trying to impractically apply previous experiences on future situations to avoid repeating patterns of pain. Yet, when we become accustomed with our preset routine in life, we become so bored of the convenience of life and how it became less interesting.. and this is exactly when you get stuck in the rut.. life becomes insipid “The most beautiful thing we can experience is the mysterious. It is the source of all true art and science” doesn’t that defy your faith – if you happen to be a believer in whatever superpower that controls the universe – you say that faith is believing in the existence of super power, yet not seeing it.. it’s the leap of faith that you take every time you are tucked in the rut and need to take that jump into the unknown, when you lack getting the other 50% of certainty, that has been proved to be not true anyways.. it was just your misconception that gave you the feeling that you are 100% certain about something.. which we mundanely call it confidence!

Confidence.. is the art of pretending to know the other 50% of the uncertainty in your hand, and convincing yourself and having the guts to take that leap of faith towards the preconceived to be 100% certainty, and this is quite what the conventional courses try to teach to potential entrepreneurs on how to wrap risks and preconceive it as opportunities instead of obstacles.. needless to support this with endless quotes about courage, and wisdom quotes taken from our ancestors, paving us the way on how to gain the confidence and changing your perception that you got all what it takes to take this scary step in the unknown.. what’s funny about it that you get 50% of success/failure, that goes hand-in-hand with 50% blessing/lesson that you need to acquire to tread in your life, grow and become what you think you are supposed to be..

It’s always the 50% uncertainty that gets us ahead of others, and motivates us to wake everyday encouraging us to leave our mark on the world.. and because there’s no absolute truth but merely the interpretation that prevails at a given time, this when we are asked to seize the present and keep our focus there, and learn from the past and not to worry about the future.. even the Messiah when he prayed to God, he prayed to supply him with the food of the day, he didn’t complaint about yesterday, and didn’t ask for tomorrow.. he just cared and lived in the moment and in the present, cause this is what he knows for now.. everything constantly changes overtime, people, circumstances, climate, opinions, feelings.. they take different forms and shapes, our role as humans is to enjoy things when they are there.. for the good we embrace it, revolve around it and do our best for it to evolve and get the different tastes of it.. for the bad we try ambulate or abstain from letting it affect us..

Ironically, we proclaim to ourselves that other things in life is unconditionally 100% certain about, we wake up and go to work and we believe the lie that we will do this and that.. but we are seldom 100% efficient on our work everyday.. but the amazing part that we convince ourselves every single morning that we can do that, sometimes we do.. some other times we don’t.. but it seems when it comes to habits it goes within the unconsciousness part, that does not do any kind of new processing, but rather than repeating the same adopted behavior that you did last time, this is why forcing yourself into a new habit takes a while before your mind stops alerting you about the 50% of doubts of not doing a certain things.. the 21 days to gain a certain habit, or as i prefer to call it.. the mind-hushing factor.. 

But there’s no life in the comfort zone, nothing new.. everything is stagnating, stall state of living.. it’s you living more on the dull side of life where there’s no action.. it’s the prevailing unconsciousness that your life has become.. it’s the fake preconceived 50% of certainty that keeps your life unconsciously moving.. you’re becoming a walking dead or a zombie, and you feel the emptiness is filling you inside out.. you feel the purposeless of life, and how insignificant you are relatively to anything or anyone.. but it’s comfortable i know..

This is why problems and instability in life and relations usually triggers fears, that might be indulged and expressed in the shape of anger, resentment or even abstaining from living the moment and dwelling in the past/last time we were happy.. cause it’s easier to replay happy moments and reminisce, than creating new ones.. conformity with everyone else.. it’s comfortable i know..

But life is not about being comfortable, it’s about changing, moving, doing things and growing.. life is action, life is consciousness.. life is about enjoying each tidbit of it.. life in 3D.. the good, the bad.. and the depth of both.. 

Be conscious.. be aware.. got it!

Till next time..

love disclaimer..

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Love makes time pass.. time makes love pass..

 

Till next time

 

what love also looks like..

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“bring a short term memory, and a long sense of humor… you’re gonna need it!”

I think this is the wisest thing you have to consider before getting into any relationship, and it makes a lot of sense and i will tell you why..

Recently i have finally had the chance to vent out the feelings that i thought were put to death to the that someone special i fell for long time before i even know, that i had to dwell into another relation as she wasn’t ready at the time, also to take my lesson about relationships and learn more about the priorities of things to do in any relation that we enter..

Humans are greed and impatient by nature, and no matter how strong they look on the outside, they are so vulnerable like a sponge cake from the inside.. wound after wound, pain replacing pain and they seldom succeed in knowing that this what life is all about.. the path you take, but not the goal.. for that they value instant gratifications, and continuously seek assurance from their newly introduced partners.. “please tell me that you love, say it.. acknowledge it”.. as if the movies has distorted our idea about love and comprehend it only in some kisses, hand in hands, candle lights and a sweet dinner in a romantic place.. i am not saying this is not love, but this is not what love is all about.. it’s just one aspect of showing your love.. but we seem to always be stuck in this aspect, and this is exactly when we start dwelling in the past and compare former partners, if we are not getting what we are used to get, then our new partner does not really appreciate us.. then we start panicking in an attempt to avoid and stop the repeated patterns of previous pain..

But let me first tell you how you should start a relationship and be sure that this person deserves your energy and feelings spent.. you first need to have someone who makes you happy, love and want to stick around you.. and above all, accepts you in full and who is not trying to change you.. and loves your imperfectly perfect self, and willing to enjoy your shittiest moments before the best.. and for sure there has to be an absolute physical attraction – you don’t want to end up like a brother – someone who you can undress your unconsciousness and want to sleep with your dreams and enjoy every little bit of your uncensored version.. and after all, afraid to lose you.. someone you can trust and vent out your shit at without the fear of being judged or misunderstood.. someone you can curse your struggles, fall, cry, bounce, laugh and be comfortable silent with.. someone where you are unsure with confidence about the future.. someone who keeps in reminding you of how strong you are, someone who can give you the space without asking, someone who won’t leave you and who’s keen to fix the mess when things goes unwell.. you need someone who accepts you completely, not to complete you.. you’re complete whole already

Do you still want to be told that you are loved?

The romantic love in movies are just the appreciation part that scenarist chose to show, and also reflect on some other aspects of love, sex is another advanced way of showing and expressing your love, but again it is not all.. love is patience.. being patient enough to fix the cracks as they occur, love is trusting that someone will always be there for you and won’t cheat on you.. love is trusting intentions and always being sure that they meant good, but they may have failed to express it.. love is fighting for those you care for.. love is endless caring.. love is not waiting for something in return.. love is not about instant gratification.. love is a way to attract each other, but love is not all.. again it is just a way of freely painting your life with mixed colors.. humans love in different capacities, they also stumble to define their feelings..

Based on married couples experiences love transforms after marriage.. it does not disappear, it just transforms to different way of empathy.. affection and mercy-fullness.. and this simply can’t continue if you didn’t spend enough time building this foundation and grow the bonding of understanding, appreciation and full acceptance of one another.. if you love your partner, but not used to communicate with them openly, then your relation will be destined to struggle later on.. it’s not only love that sustain a relationship.. it’s the friendship

For once i am choosing to start from where relations eventually end-up transforming to.. i am willing to spend time and effort in bonding and strengthening the my bond with my soul-mate, confidently unsure where are going to end up.. but i know one thing for sure to start with.. i know that she wants me as much as i want her in my life.. and i don’t care to put any definitions for this.. i am confident we have a strong bonding, and let’s see how can we get the best of one another!

Love cannot only be comprehended in the classical statement of “I Love You!” it’s ineffable!

Till next time..