Some time has elapsed before I was able to open up to myself again, maybe this time was the longest in a while between writing.. and as always.. I had the topic on the top of my head for a long time, but fear has always been stopping me from starting writing.. maybe i was too afraid to pour all the things in my head at once, and come to the facts that i have known for a long time now, as if writing is somehow the acknowledgment of all fears.. part of my fears was the perfection that i’ll always aspire and will never reach *a sigh* “The universe doesn’t allow perfection.” — Stephen Hawking
First, I just got fired from my job.. and i was simply testing my faith, my faith that i should not fear anyone than God, if i truly believe that we as humans are merely reasons for each other, no matter what looks on the outside. I am not sad about it, i know i stood for something, and that i was right and above all my faith is strong.. which made me overall happy. I took it very well, cause somehow i’ve managed to wire my brain to accept the worst which has happened. It was a time for a new start, which didn’t start yet.. i think!
Second, I come to the fact that the world cannot be understood through its sheer facts, it has to have some literature associated to it.. our minds are not wired to accept the pure facts of life, and always tend to look beyond the philosophical meaning of it. For that, i think maybe those who have allowed themselves to really experience life into different depths and heights, have always associated their understanding with figurative idioms.. through literature and arts.. be it any form of art.. cause this is our real human capacity in comprehending life, or at least this is what I’d like to think of it this way..
But i don’t want to put a third here or continue with this ridiculous human made numbering, why would i care to organize your thoughts or mark your progress through my blog.. they are free thoughts anyways and won’t matter if they are in order or not.
What i can think of right now is before i got fired, i had a chance to review a lot of things and had last chance to re-appreciate everything i had while i was in Doha, friends, place, work, outings.. literally everything.. my broad range of acceptance has never been broader than that before, smelling and breathing the wind of change was overwhelming that i almost had absolutely no problems when the day has come, and was told that i was fired! not much of fighting back, or tormenting feeling over what i’ve lost, i felt more complete and strong and almost had a feeling of content over what happened; cause i knew for once that i was strong to stand for my beliefs, and that my faith is strong.. and it was the best thing i may have done in a long while.. working out your faith..
Then the day to leave has come way earlier than expected, i got back to Cairo after 2 years and 8 months away from home. it was a long time, not in terms of mundane timing, but in terms of my self development during this period. This period if it can be tagged, i would tag it into “love, heartbreaks, good work, muscles, diving, cycling, running, jogging, lots of fun, exhilarating surprises, reading, many many new understandings, quit smoking, travelling a lot, discovered a lot of potentials in me” and i think above all, i was able to unveil a totally new part of me that i didn’t even that it existed.. was it love or attraction, or attachment.. whatever it is, i enjoyed its ups and downs to the fullest..
But above all, i got to understand that we mostly understand life through literature and arts, and not through the abstract meaning of things, we do have the capacity to deeply reflect upon our adversity in an artistic way, we never feel the pain straight.. it always has its rooted dimensions that reaches to our soul, it’s always these cracks caused by mishaps that connects our deep rooted spirit with the external physical world that appears to be abstract from any dimensions. after every unfortunate incident we come across, everything we feel afterwards gets through this crack, and get to feel it really deep. we feel so affectionate and touched when our friends are by our side, at the same time we feel double the pain when the people we expected to be by our side, have fell short of our expectations and did nothing.. this is the drawback of mishaps, every single emotion is intensified and you can almost feel it nudging your bones..
For that, i do believe that God has created a beautiful nature around us, that’s full of variant colors, and pretty sounds and breathtaking scenery, this is our gateway to God, our only path to fathom your true purpose as you progress in life. Even on the known holy books of God either Koran, Torah or the Bible.. their teaching are mostly in figure speech, but their meanings is mostly ever broader than our thinking can comprehend. For this particular reasons, these books never fell short of application despite the hundreds of years passed since its revelation
“Miracles happen, not In opposition to nature, but in opposition to what we know of nature.” -St. Augustine
Above all, i came to realize and fully understood that life should always be lived progressively, i stopped clinging to anything or anyone, i always try to enjoy what i have, always be honest to myself about what i want to do and say, cause i know that karma will come and meet me later.. so the shorter route to be good to yourself in the future, is to be good to yourself now.. and learning to accept whatever comes my way, yet always do what i believe i should be doing.. continuously try to change my perspective, and that there are always far better things ahead than the ones we leave behind; embracing the fact that i am always in the right place. knowing that my limits always lies in my head, and the fact that the only thing i am capable of changing is myself, and by myself i mean the capacity to look at life from different perspectives, and that new perspectives can’t be gained without getting your hands dirty in life, by living and taking actions and continuously moving. i gave up the idea of comfort zone cause it holds no new perspective for me, and it simply means being stagnant in a swamp, and leaving the rest of the jungle ahead untouched..
I live everyday at once, and once is enough if it’s lived right..
Till next time