Hej Hej God! Hur mår du? you know, i am in Stockholm now and i’m dyed by their Swedish!
Maybe I never had the time to talk to you bluntly since my Umrah, you know like heart-to-heart talk.. not that I didn’t want to talk, but maybe my recent adoption is to listen more, and not to ask for things from you, cause you like to be listened to. But sometimes I just want to say stuff to you, things that only you can understand and would make sense to you..
I came along way to understand more about life, purpose, what i am here for, what do you want me to do; or more like in attempt to unfold my destiny in the smartest way that i know. And since knowledge is something that is constantly changing, I have always tried to understand more and read to have more expansive understanding. I can’t deny that i came close enough to a whole new set of understandings about you, life, religions and all the other mundane things that usually occupies the mind of humans, you know humans and curiosity is a big deal here!
Of the good things I have recently had the chance to test, were my principles and how strong is my faith. And you know, how things ended by ending a life in Qatar that was from the outside looked nice and strong, but from the inside was purposeless. I still trust that it was to end anyways at this particular time, in a way or another. it’s hard to see beyond what your eyes can get you to perceive, but i do have faith in you, and i don’t require much to see to believe
People here talk a lot of shit about you, some claim that they are speaking under your name, and causing a lot of bloodshedding here in the Middle East and beheading others because they just can, i can assure that we are the only region who still rides German horses, and claim civilization by acquiring more than what they really need, cause they simply can afford it, it’s hell unequal here and things are getting from bad to worse
The west on the other hand are sleek and much smarter, they look at us as a big market for their products, from garment, to food, cars, life styles, language, immense market for weaponry – as long as the internal battles are ongoing – and you know what, i can’t blame them, we are fucked up and disunited and we hate each other most of the time – you’ve seen what happened to me for instance, i know that you don’t micromanage this world to that level – at least this is what i think
As on what I come to believe about you at this particular moment.. I believe you are great, nice and so kind, and your love is immortal and unconditional, and you always listen and trustworthy. i also know that and not trying to fathom you, because i can’t and i won’t and you know what, it’s also pointless :) i also know that you are part of who we are, our spirit; i also know that we collectively make up God, it’s all inside us. I also happen to know that our demons are represented by our egos, and these are the two fighting powers inside each and everyone of us..
I know that you don’t micromanage this earth, and that it’s sort of closed ecological system. That nothing goes out of this circle, it’s only matter of actions and reactions. Yes, sometimes that reactions comes straight to our face, and falls within our laps, and when it does.. i am sure it’s fallen exactly where it’s supposed to be.. i also happen to think i know, that we are all equally screwed in our misconception about religions, be it divine or non-divine.. yet i know that i do know that much that i don’t need a religion to understand you, or believe in you; i believe in you regardless, cause you are the highest form of knowledge, mercy and power in this universe
I know that we should not be taking everything you said in the holy book of Koran literally, and that most of what you are saying and repeating over and over is worth contemplation, but not to be taken literally, rather than allegory, and you know how confusing it is, yet i think that of the miracles you have left between us today is the Koran, as we will never cease to be amazed from its broad understanding that varies and constantly changes from one to another. If you happen to be interpreting it with your ego, you are in a deep shit, and if you happen to interpret it with your heart, you might not be there yet, but you are close enough!
I know that I love you, and I know that i will sometimes fail your expectations, but remember when i asked you on the first time i’ve visited you, i told you that i want to end my life on good terms.. we have this pact for life, and i know you’re up to your word, and i love this the most about you.. God you are awesome!
You know why i made it to Stockholm, or at least you know that i’ve been following the signs that have been revealed before me. That one thought that took me from one place to another, and to be honest, i fell for the place since i landed at Skavska and exactly past the passport control. I wish to found my own company here, and apply the concept of tech4good. i see a lot of unfairness in the distribution of wealth on earth, as i cannot fix everything on earth, and i am not entitled to.. and at the same time i should not be asking you to do something about it., simply you have given me all the tools to help others..
I have been fortunate enough to get a good education and be bilingual, my parents have invested heavily in me.. whether it was dad or mum, and i have a decade of experience and good sum of savings, and honestly i don’t think that you ever give us more than what we need for keeps, it’s all meant for sharing. my aim is to be useful and create a good business that connects and transfers the funds and knowledge from the fortunate hemisphere of the earth, to the less fortunate hemisphere.. cause simply whatever i am willing to do is part of my destiny that i have recently unfolded, or at least this is what i believe to be the case for now..
I don’t necessarily see this business as a way to make up living only, i only feel it’s my paying back my dues to how fortunate i have been because of you. You know how bad i want this to happen, and I am relying on you to give me a hand in gettings this done. First i need whatever job that will allow me to stay here in Sweden, then meeting the right people who may help me in achieving this. I don’t mind the efforts at all God, you know me quite well, i could quit smoking after some good 15 years of daily smoking. You know me better than myself, that i am a little impatient when i am confused and the uncertainty outweighs my eyesight.. So please let me know if i should be going this way or not, or should i start looking elsewhere.. For me, i know this is what i want and think will be my next passion for the next few years.. I don’t know what do you see?!
On the second thing i wish to happen is to marry the one i never had to explore my relation further.. the one whom i still love till now and don’t have/want to control this feelings anyways.. you know how she ended everything unexpectedly, she’s sweet and lovely.. a little bit undetermined and trying to figure it out on her own, but this is the price of experience.. I absolutely don’t see your point of things not working out between me and her, after some 2 years of waiting for her to be ready! I trust your choices, but sometimes i can’t deny that you piss me off with these unprecedented decisions. I trust your judgement eventually, and i always try to be a better of version of myself, you know how the Azeri relation went and was too much of platonic romance that lead me astray, i remember you assuring me way to early when i was in Turkey that she is no good, when i asked you in the mosque for assistance.. but i didn’t listen at that time, cause i was blinded.. i don’t regret it anyways, she took me to great heights of emotions, that paved the way to the following who was also unsure, and on her own fighting her battles
So, to conclude.. i am looking for your help on this project.. is this what i should be doing? is this the right country to start at? – please say yes.. and is she the one? – yes yes! :))
Thanks God! :))
Till next time..